The Genteel Lady's Guide to Cleaning Castles

Gentle Reader,

Whilst researching my latest novel, To Beguile a Beast, I came across the following document which was written in a Suspiciously Familiar Hand. I append it here for Your Amusement.

Yours Most Sincerely, Elizabeth

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Written for the Express Purpose of Guiding the Lady of Quality who may, through no fault of her own, be hiding under an Assumed Name in a Very Dirty Castle Indeed.

  • If at all possible, the Genteel Lady should chose a very dirty castle not inhabited by a Male (one cannot use the word Gentleman!) of a Foul and Disagreeable disposition.
  • Even if the Male in question is rather attractive otherwise.
  • An apron, preferably in a becoming shade of light blue or rose, is important.
  • The Genteel Lady should immediately hire a large and competent staff–even if it is against the express wishes of the Disagreeable Male. Remember: if the Disagreeable Male knew anything about cleaning his castle wouldn’t be in such a deplorable state in the first place.
  • Tea is harder to make than one might imagine.
  • Beware birds’ nests hiding in the chimney!
  • The Genteel Lady should never deliver the Disagreeable Male’s luncheon to him in his tower study by herself. This may result in the Lady and the Male being closeted together–alone–!
  • Should the Genteel Lady dismiss the Above Advice, she should not under any circumstances participate in a Passionate Embrace with the Disagreeable Male.
  • Even if he is no longer Quite So Disagreeable.
  • Finally, the Genteel Lady should never, ever engage in an Affair d’Coeur with the Master of the Castle. In doing so she puts not only her virtue in peril, but also her heart.